Making fun of the WSJ's "What's News" box

TheStreet.com’s Marek Fuchs is a bit sarcastic in his tone Monday about an item he saw in the Wall Street Journal’s “What’s News” box on the front page.

Fuchs wrote, “In the ‘What’s News‘ section of The Wall Street Journal’s front page, the paper’s top editors — those hard-bitten souls who have seen all there is to see in the world’s financial markets and report for their page-one duty only because they are the best and brightest of the business media field — tell us what will happen in the stock market this week.

“I’ve learned to hold these little capsules, designed as quick reference points, in a depth of suspicion. But this morning’s version is tops — or, uh, bottoms.

“Pontificated the Journal: ‘Profit news is set to drive the stock market in coming weeks; slower growth may not upset the market, but warnings or big declines could roil investors.’

“You don’t say. Slower growth may be no biggie, but warnings or big declines could be? Wasn’t it lucky we read that? Thanks for parsing the future for me, boys and girls at the Journal; you really made it come alive and seem to make sense. Who says the perspective of newspapers will ever lose its relevancy?

“Wait, this just in. The Wall Street Journal’s new weather page says that if it drizzles, people will just get damp. Then again, a downpour might really soak people.”

Read more here.